Thursday, October 25, 2007

I've been to a conference for work

...and I have just one thing to say:

'Evidence' is NOT a verb.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Gaaargh! Annoying knitting!

I've made some stupid mistakes and I'm very annoyed with myself.

Stupid mistake number 1: I cast on too few stitches for the front of my Notre Dame de Grace jumper. I only noticed my mistake when I held the front up against the back to check I was starting the armholes in the right place. Grrr.

Stupid mistake number two: I made my Clapotis too wide and have run out of yarn before the end. I'll have to frog it completely and make it narrower because there is no more of the yarn. Grrr again.

And what's more, I think I've got a knitting-related pain in my upper arm. So I cast on a very simple sock to make me feel better. So far it seems to be working.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Some messages for my fellow commuters

1. To the man sitting opposite me on the train: your subconscious mating ritual is wasted on me. I’m already married, so I don’t need to know that your bollocks are so big you can’t sit with your legs any closer together than 130 degrees. Put ‘em away, there’s a good boy.

2. To the person sitting next to me: yes, I’m knitting. Get over it. And if you wanted to have the armrest, you should’ve got on at the first stop, like I did.

3. To the people who are surprised to find there’s a ticket barrier: it was there yesterday, and it’ll be there tomorrow. Here’s a tip for dealing with it: have your ticket ready to stick in the slot, or your Oyster card ready to swipe. That’ll save you having to stand in front of the barrier rummaging in your gigantic bag for your ticket whilst other commuters tut at you.

4. To the people wearing Bluetooth headsets: you think you look like something out of Star Trek. You don’t. You look like a cock. Furthermore, speaking out loud to an invisible companion should be reserved for people who can’t help it.

5. To pedestrians: get a fucking move on crossing the road, OK? Especially if you’re walking in front of me. I don’t want to get squashed by a bendy bus because you were too slow to get across before the lights changed.

6. To people pushing kids in pushchairs during the rush hour: why? Just why?

Oh, and finally, to Southern Railway: it’s October. We don’t need the air-con set to ‘march of the fucking penguins’.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

The Safetyfox veggie curry recipe

The Fresh Princess came round for dinner last night (without Jazzy Jaff -- she's in Australia). I made veggie curry. She really enjoyed it so I typed up my recipe. Here it is, for everyone else to enjoy as well.

1 medium onion chopped small
2 large cloves of garlic
about 2 tablespoons of mild curry powder (I used Sainsbury's Goan Blend)
2 carrots diced small
a slosh of passata (you could use a small tin of chopped toms)
4 small spuds cut into bite-sized pieces
1 large sweet potato
veg stock (or hot water and a cube)
a large handful of fresh spinach, shredded
a few spare broccoli and cauliflower florets I had lying around
1 small carton of coconut cream

First of all I heated up some vegetable oil (not much) in a large saucepan. I sweated the onions with the lid on til they were soft and transparent. Then I added the garlic and the curry powder, gave them a good stir and cooked them gently for another minute or two. Then I added the carrots and enough passata to cover everything. I put the lid back on and cooked it on a low heat til the carrots were soft, which took about 20mins. Then I used the hand blender to whizz it to a puree. You can skip that stage if you like, but if you do, you won't need as much stock.

Next I added the spuds and sweet spuds and enough hot veg stock to cover everything. I gave it a good stir and cooked it on a low heat without too much stirring til the spuds were cooked through (another 20-25 mins). Then I added the remaining veg and gave it another 10 mins, but that was probably a bit too long because they seemed to have dissolved.

Finally I added the coconut cream. You only need to let it warm though -- don't let it boil or it can separate. Five mins should be plenty.

You can use any veg you have for this (peas, beans, chickpeas, sweetcorn, squash, cabbage, mushrooms etc) but some veg e.g courgettes just don't work in a curry.

Check the seasoning and serve with rice and/or naan. Yummers.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Getting away with it

Our marriage is not one of the old-fashioned patriarchal type where I have to get Rob's permission to spend money. However, all our income goes into and comes out of one account, so it's only polite to mention it when one of us has been spending.

The thing is, Rob doesn't give a monkey's when I buy clothes. Some people's husbands get funny about it -- not mine. But whenever I buy yarn, I get 'Oh, darling!' in a slightly disapproving tone. So last time I went clothes shopping, I cam home and unloaded the bags, showing Rob each thing as I unpacked it:

Me: Look, I got a t-shirt, a jacket, jeans and a jumper for you... And this (revealing a John Lewis bag full of yarn) is a jumper for me.

Rob: Oh darling. That's yarn.

Me: No, it's a jumper. It's self-assembly.

And he couldn't really argue with that. I love Rob.

Monday, September 24, 2007


If there was ever a recipe that could have been invented for me and Rob, pissaladiere is it:
  • it's got a kilo of onions in it
  • and 24 anchovies
  • and it sounds like it's made of wee.


Wednesday, August 29, 2007


I finished Mum's Jaywalkers. I was really pleased with them. The yarn really suits the pattern (it's the June sock club yarn from the Yarn Yard).

However, they don't fit. Unlike me, Mum does not have fat ankles. And I am not a tight knitter. But she can't get them on! They'll have to be passed on to someone who's a complete twiglet. Maybe I'll send them to Amy Winehouse.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Does *your* home have a cat infestation?

Ours does. Spot the evidence.

Celebrity spotting

Out with Jazzy Jaff and and the Fresh Princess last night. As we walked past Carluccio's in Tunbridge Wells on our way to the car park, who should we see sitting in the window seat but...

the one and only

the legendary


Holy shit! We walked past two or three times just to make sure.

He lives near T Wells somewhere. Mum once caught his eye as she was going up and he was going down the escalators in Royal Victoria Place.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Suspicious behaviour

On the Tube the other day I saw a guy wearing a hoodie with 'HAMAS' written on the back. Blimey, I thought, he's risking a bullet (or five) in the back of his head. Then he moved the strap of his bag and I realised the word was actually 'BAHAMAS'.

Friday, August 10, 2007

A philosophical enquiry

If I knit a sock, frog it, rewind the yarn and knit it again, is it the same sock?

The Cat Poo Song

There's a cat poo on the lawn
There's a cat poo on the lawn
Cat poo on the lawn
It looks like a sugar in a plum (plum plum)

Show me a motion
Show me a motion
Show me a motion
It looks like a sugar in a plum (plum plum)

repeat ad nauseum

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Fox in the bin

So, early this morning I was woken by the sound of a fox rummaging through our rubbish. I leant out of the window -- it was dark so I could only hear the fox -- and went 'psssstttttt!' as loudly as I could. I heard the fox skittering off down the lane.

When I cleared up the rubbish that Fantastic Mr Fox had spread all over the pavement I discovered what he'd eaten: manky old Greek salad, with feta cheese of almost indescribable stinkyness; burnt aubergine rind; maggoty cat food remains and the pickled jalapenos from Mr S's kebab.

What he didn't eat, however, were the orange and strawberry creams left over from a box of Roses. Even a fox won't touch those foulest of chocolates.

Friday, March 09, 2007


Have I really not posted anything since October? Well what's been goin on...

I've done a lot of knitting. Mr S bought me yarn for a Rogue for Christmas but once I realised I wouldn't have it finished in time to wear this Winter I decided to put it aside for a while and knit more socks.